Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Living With Criticism

I must tell my co-worker, Cathy about an article in the latest Christian Century magazine. http://www.christiancentury.org/article.lasso?id=7156 Martin Copenhaver, the author of an article called Living With Criticism, tells of being approached by the chairperson of his board with an anonymous letter. The chairperson was obviously uncomfortable because it was a letter of criticism. What the letter-writer complained about was the way the pastor walked his dog (Cathy has a dog, Ruby.) The writer concluded by saying "I realize that it is a cop-out to remain anonymous. However, I feel that I have to live with this man in my own neighbourhood, and frankly I don't trust him." I don't trust him? As someone who has endured criticism through the years (every minister does) I found this hilarious. The author of the article made sure we were aware that he had taken his dog to obedience school and was conscientious about his/her treatment. But this really doesn't matter because the real point is that it would be hard to find other professions where comments are made about the length of a person's hair, what is worn to cut the lawn and, yes, how one walks the dog.

This said, I am grateful that I have been the recipient of very little direct criticism through the years and not a single nasty and anonymous letter. Some colleagues have been crushed by the weight of criticism, much of it undeserved. Some keep a file of the critical letters they have received along the way.It is a reason there are still attempts to form a union of United Church ministers. It has been more common for people to grouse in the background or decide that they should go elsewhere. A very small group of people of the thousands to whom I have ministered have been downright nasty, and some of that has been cause for dismay, but that is reality in this life.

Copenhaver suggests that pastors should be careful about being overly reactive to either strong criticism or effusive praise. Of course we all like affirmation and praise, but he points out, rightly, that we often receive praise we don't really deserve, simply for doing what we have been called to do.

Church people are, by and large, very kind and supportive and I am amazed at times at the goodness of folk even in the toughest times of their lives. A few months ago I got an email from a parishioner in my last congregation. She carefully wrote out how she felt a number of initiatives which happened while I was there were coming to fruition now. It was an exceptional act of grace on her part that bouyed me for days. I don't have a file with critical correspondence, but I have kept many of the notes of support I have received, including the sheaf of cards and letters written to me while on leave last year.

The article was a good reminder to express my gratitude to the people with whom I work and to refrain from criticism of others. Have I mentioned lately that I appreciate your reading this blog?

4 comments:

Laurie said...

I think being a minister must be like living in a fishbowl. Every movement watched. There are not any real days off. A minister is judged every day.
Thanks for taking on the job for us.

Anonymous said...

I have encountered Ruby and Cathy playing catch in the neighborhood, and although Ruby insisted on sharing her digustingly slavia covered tennis ball with me I have not yet put it in writing, but what a great idea to leave such notes on the pew. Would this work in our church though, since we all have our own 'special' seating? I guess the idea would be to causaully drop the nasty note on someone else's pew.

Laura said...

At a point I was feeling quite critical of another, and they of me, I read a line that stuck with me, "Everything is a mirror". It reminded me that when I am feeling critical of another, very often it reflects back on something that I am not feeling so great about my own self, and likewise of someone being critical of me...it may have something more to do with them than me.... Not always, but worth some reflection, I've found.
Not praising someone for doing a good job , even if it is something that is expected of them, as the article points out, to me lines up with that "you don't need to say you love someone because they already know it" routine....bad policy, in my mind. Life can be hard...and we're all in it together, so if a sincere compliment can make it a little happier, why wouldn't you?

David Mundy said...

Thanks for the support, the reflection on why we are critical at times, and the dog goober story.