One of our seniors, a fine man, underwent surgery recently which kept him in hospital for a week and incapacitated him for a while when he came home. He was overwhelmed by the support he received from a number of our members, including meals provided by women. That's what we expect really. Women tend to be practical in their caregiving and support and congregations tend to thrive or fail on their efforts. At the risk of stereotyping, men will do stuff, but they often struggle with the vulnerability of others and shy away from emotional content.
Two men (at least two) have also been supportive of this senior citizen. One went to his home and installed the handrails necessary for the basics of getting up and down. I hear he stayed for a while afterward, listened, and chatted. It wasn't necessary to fulfill the task, but it was an act of kindness. It doesn't surprise me because the handyman is active in congregational life and lives out his Christian faith.
The other took the recovering patient out for lunch and again listened and chatted. He too is someone I find to be caring and concerned for others. It was good to hear about both of these quiet acts of kindness.
Since deciding to write this blog entry I discovered that another male member of St. Paul's had been quietly providing emotional support for a man whose funeral I did earlier this week. So maybe I've got this all wrong.
What are your thoughts about this? Do guys get a bad rap? Do we do enough to invited men to be part of the circle of caring in our congregations?
4 comments:
Not often are you wrong but I think you are on this point.
The "hunters and gatherers" are also tender caregivers when given the chance.
I was reminded of a talk that I gave in Newcastle a number of years ago and lo and behold I found it! I copied the part that pertains to this subject. It was a talk on "what I have learned as a hospice volunteer"
I HAVE LEARNED THAT – AND THIS WAS BIG – MEN ARE AS SKILLED AT CAREGIVING AS WOMEN. WE (MEANING WOMEN HAVE ASSUMED THAT MEN WEREN’T GOOD AT CAREGIVING – THAT WAS OUR ROLE – AND THEY DIDN’T STOP US FROM THINKING THAT – I THINK IT CAME IN HANDY DURING THOSE DIAPER CHANGING DAYS. WELL THE JIGS UP BECAUSE I NOW KNOW THE TRUTH. I HAVE SEEN MEN ATTENDING THEIR LOVED ONES MOST PERSONAL NEEDS WITH THE CARE AND NURTURING OF A MOTHER WITH A NEW BORN BABY.
I HAVE LEARNED THAT THE WORDS WE UTTER AT OUR WEDDING “I WILL LOVE YOU IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH’ ARE NOT JUST WORDS BUT THEY ARE IN FACT A VOW. THE WIFE WHO CRADLES HER HUSBAND OF 40 YEARS AS SHE WOULD HAVE WHEN THEY WERE FIRST MARRIED, WITH NO THOUGHT TO THE PHYSCIAL CHANGES THAT HAVE OCCURRED…THE HUSBAND WHO TOUCHES HIS WIFE NOT WITH THE PASSION OF A 20 YEAR OLD BUT WITH A TENDERNESS THAT IS ALL TELLING OF THEIR YEARS SPENT TOGETHER….IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH….I GET IT NOW
Good points, all, Lynn.
I think we can get the job done, too ... in between breaks from hunting and gathering, and all of that.
(Grunts.)
Right on Lynn!
I think often men are given so much credit when they do something that is considered a "woman's job'
(cooking for a church breakfast, for example). It makes me wonder. Men make wonderful caregivers, so do women, men make great meals, so do women. Why is it men get lots of thanks and applause when they do these things and women don't hardly get mentioned? Time to give up on stereotyping people.
I am in a profession of caregiving and I work hard at it. And I see men who are wonderful with ailing spouses and offering support.
But my experience is that women are the "go-to" people when it comes to caregiving.
We have a pastoral care committee at St. Paul's that is all women, and that has been the case in every congregation I have served. The majority of regular visitors to nursing homes are women.
It's not that men are incapable -- far from it. They just don't see themselves in that role in the same way.
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