The interviewee, Frank Partnoy, has written a book called Wait, The Art and Science of Delay, argues that our cultural attitudes toward putting things off are far too negative and we should reconsider. Is that cheering I hear from readers?
He readily conceded that there are lots of circumstances where we should act decisively, but not always. He suggested that offering apologies after major offenses is an example. If we spill a drink on someone at a party we say we're sorry immediately. But if we have committed a more serious wrong it is different. Waiting to apologize gives both the person wronged and the wrongdoer time to ponder the nature of the offense and to both give and receive the apology in a more meaningful and healing way.
I had never considered this before, but perhaps it's true. In the end it is about the sincerity of the apology, it seems to me. When we were staying in the B&B on the Magdalen Islands a loud dinner party in the restaurant below us carried on until midnight. The next morning the wife of this Japanese couple apologized profusely. Then she called her husband in and they bowed their apology together! It was quite touching and sure felt authentic.
What do you think? Is delaying an apology "copping out," or does it help to wait a little to say sorry when we have done wrong? Are you readily able to offer an apology? How about receiving one? Do you harbour hurts and grudges?
2 comments:
I'm pretty easy going, so any appology is accepted if I believe it to be sincer.
In my line of work I do deal with many differing personalities, and there are many things that happen that I have little control over. Shipping delays, repairs that don't go according to plan, bad weather. I find I have to appologise for many things. I have been accused of being insincere, but I chalk it up to hi-strung emotional people. They can over react. Unfortunately when that happens I rarely hear an appology.
An example would be getting angry at a waiter/waitress for taking too long to bring your order. They are not the ones who prepare the food. Would you want your food right now if it had fallen on the floor, or would you rather they take a little time to prepare a new order.
We should all relax a little and enjoy life more.
I suppose it is a bit like the advice of "sleeping on it" if you had crafted a poison-penned letter...wait til the morning light to still see if you feel the same about sending it.
I do find for the bigger "wrongs" time makes a difference, as emotions settle down and perspective can kick in ( hopefully on both sides) and perhaps we can see more clearly the root of the conflict(often not what it seems) and therefore craft a more sincere regret.
That being said...I hate the tension of "nothing yet said" so can't wait too long.
As a lifelong "pleaser", I do find as I get older, and perhaps a bit truer to myself, I take a little longer to process things rather than immediately patching things up, and that apologies more often come in the more sincere form for me, of regretting to the offended, not necessarily what I have or haven't done, but their unhappiness by that action/inaction which wasn't my intent.
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