In life, in death, in life beyond death, God is with us
We are not alone. thanks be to God. New Creed
Yesterday I was home for lunch and listened to a phone-in with a psychologist who has written a book about her work with children, drawing on their imaginations to essentially create a positive path through their psychological challenges. It sounds as though this approach has been successful in her practice.
A number of the parents calling in spoke of anxiety issues with their children, including a mother whose child has developed a powerful fear of death. Over the years many parents have approached me, shaken because a happy child has suddenly become anxious about death. Sometimes it is related to the death of a human loved one or a pet. Often though it is an unconnected awakening to the reality that everything and everyone eventually dies. We talk, I share resources and encourage prayer.
I read an article over the summer in which the writer, a pastor, suggests that participating in worship prepares us for our own mortality as we become aware of the deaths of others. I think this is true. On the same Sunday when we light the Christ candle and announce a birth we may also share news about a death. Everyone, including the children hear this. Often they have known the person who has died. As I have said before, when my kids were young I would take them to the funeral home when a member to whom they were not close died. This way they learned of the solemnity of death and also heard of our resurrection promise in Christ.
All this said, I still have my moments of bleak awareness that this life comes to an end. Yes, I believe in the life to come, but as a minister "I see dead people all the time" to quote from The Sixth Sense. The news of the death of a beloved congregation member can still hit like the proverbial ton of bricks. Actually, I headed from lunch yesterday to the cemetery where I did the commital for someone I did not know. I knew that this would be a poignant moment for the family jjust the same.
Does it help to be part of a faith community when a loved one dies? Have you found yourself addressing anxiety over death with a child? Does the prospect of your death give you the willies? Christ be with you.
6 comments:
Having spent a lot of my summer dealing with death and dying, I can say my faith community and family community is what gets you through it all. I may not be in church a lot but a number of people within the congregation have been really thoughtful. Thanks be to people!
I try to use death as a reminder to "not sweat the small stuff". Unfortunately, I am not always successful! It's the "big stuff" that can be problematic.
Every time a friend or family member dies, it is like a jolt. It makes me realize I need to enjoy the present moment as much as possible, as we don't know how many moments we have left.
My daughters learned about death at a young age when their brother was stillborn. However, I think it is still abstract to them, as they never saw him physically. I remember finally putting his clothes in bins to donate, and my oldest daughter (4 at the time), said "I guess he doesn't need clothes in heaven". It was a pivotal moment for me, as I realized I needed to give them a life of faith. One I myself never had.
So our journey began, slowly...2 steps forward, one step back.
There is a deep sadness in me over the fact that my children's childdhoods were steeped in so much death and dying. Death, dying and illness became their norm and as much as we tried to balance things for them, and to assure them that so many people dying in one family was not the norm, it inevitably affected them deeply. The idea of faith faded for them.
On your advice we started young with the kids going with us to funerals and visitations and although one never knows how anyone will deal with death when it is up close, the one thing I know they have noticed and commented on was that church funerals leave them feeling "better" than other funerals....perhaps because they are at home at church and hopefully because they feel God's presence.
Frankly I don't know how people process the death of a loved one WITHOUT the support of a faith community and a personal faith. I know many many folks who share this opinion. To me it isn't even debatable.
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